Testimony Tuesday

We are so blessed to have our friend Kim Braddy share her testimony with us!  You will be blessed by God's faithfulness in her life!

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Blessings

So often when I think of blessings, I think about all the amazing things God has blessed me with:  air to breathe, sunshine, my home, dinner, my sweet kids or my awesome husband.  That's what I use to think about when I thought of blessings.  That was before the sad loss of 4 babies during 3 pregnancies.  After my first daughter was born, I found out I was expecting again less than a year after her birth.  We were so excited to be having another baby and expanding our family and felt so thankful that the Lord allowed us to get pregnant so easily.  I went to my 10 week appointment at the OB and heard the sweet sound of my baby's beating heart!  

I went back a month later for an ultrasound and knew the moment the screen popped up that something was wrong.  There was just no movement at all. The Dr. just stared at me and said they were sorry and asked if I needed a minute.  I was left in the room sobbing with my one year old in the stroller.  All I wanted to do was hold her and cry!  I remember calling my mom and my husband and telling them that our baby had died.  I had so many questions.  The baby was healthy with a strong heart beat just a few weeks earlier.  How could something like this happen?  I am a healthy person and my first pregnancy was perfect.  What could have gone wrong?  Did I do something that caused this to happen?

 As any woman who has dealt with this knows, there are no answers to these questions.  The Dr. explained that with all the things that have to come together just right in a pregnancy, that there is a surprisingly high percentage of the time that something doesn't happen just right and your body's way of dealing with that is for the pregnancy to stop growing.  Of course, this answer is not helpful because it is really not an answer at all.  

They are basically saying they have no idea why this happens but it sometimes just does.  Isaiah 55:8-9 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts or my ways your ways, declares the Lord.  As the Heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts".  I cried for days and wondered if I would ever again open my eyes in the morning and this not be the first thing I think about. Lamentations 3:22-23 "The Lord's loving kindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning, great is your faithfulness."  Would I ever be able to get pregnant again?  Would this happen again if I did?  

Well, both questions were quickly answered.  I got pregnant just a few months later, only to miscarry once again.  The first time this happened I was so full of sorrow; but this time I was angry.  I had been walking with the Lord for about 5 years at this point in my life and didn't understand how He could let this happen.  It almost felt mean.  Why not just keep me from getting pregnant in the first place?  I was angry and I told God all about it, even though He already knew my heart.  After continuing to wrestle with God about this, I had 2 more healthy, beautiful children a few years later.  However, when my son was almost 3, I once again found myself in the Dr.'s office for some weird symptoms that I was concerned about.  I thought the Dr. was going to tell me that I had an infection, but to my surprise, the Dr. told me I was pregnant.  This was a complete shock!  My husband and I thought we were "done" having kids. 

   Part two tomorrow....